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Emil Persson
Musik, film och tv med Emil Persson

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The verbal incontinence of Noel Gallagher

Man måste ändå älska England. Noel Gallagher är iskall som ett Manchesterregn i hela övriga världen – men när brittiska GQ ska utse sin ”Icon of the year” väljer de självklart rikets mustigaste ögonbryn. Och om man läser segerintervjun förstår man trots allt varför.

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noel-gallagher

Nu är det ingen nyhet att Noel Gallagher är snabbare än en cannonball i käften, men det skadar heller aldrig att bli påmind. Detta är mina fem favoritcitat från intervjun:

Om tillkomsten av krig: ”Thou shalt not work weekends. I don’t like workaholics. Don’t fucking trust them. Why are they working? I don’t trust busy cunts. That’s how wars start: busy fuckers. If terrorism had a weekend off, eventually they’d have a year off. Eventually they’d go, ‘Fuck this – blowing up shit? Football’s on.’ Thou shalt not be arsed.”

Om romaner i största allmänhet: ”The winner of the Pulitzer Prize [for fiction]. What a cunt. Whoever that is, has got to be. I don’t get it. Book sellers, book readers, book writers, book owners – fuck all of them.”

Om romantitlar i synnerhet: ”My missus will come in with a book and it will be titled – and there’s a lot of these, you can substitute any word, it’s like a Rubik’s Cube of shit titles – it’ll be entitled The Incontinence Of Elephants. And I’ll say ‘What’s that book about?’ And she’ll say, ‘Oh it’s about a girl and this load of fucking nutters…’ Right… so  it’s not about elephants, then? Why the fuck is it called The Incontinence Of Elephants? Another one: The Tales Of The Clumsy Beekeeper. What’s that about? ‘Oh it’s about the French Revolution.’ Right, fuck off. If you’re writing a book about a child who’s locked in a fucking cupboard during the fucking Second World War… he’s never seen an elephant. Never mind a fucking giraffe.”

Om vem som är hans egen ikon: ”It’s Les Dawson. You forget how funny he fucking was. You’ve heard his jokes so many times before. ‘Wife’s run off with the bloke next door… God, I miss him.’ Les Dawson, man. Absolute stitches.”

Om One Direction: ”Everybody’s winning out of it. One Direction aren’t working in the local fucking Costcutter, so they’re winning. The geezer who’s writing the fucking shit tunes – he’s winning. He doesn’t even have to leave the studio. He’s got fucking new houses coming out of his ear holes. The record company are winning – ‘cos they’re all getting their fucking bonuses at Christmas. The young 12-year-old girls are winning because one day they might actually grow up to give one of them a blow job. They’re all winning. No one’s losing! The only people who are losing are idiots like me at 9.30 in the morning when you’re trying to get the kids out the door for school, and they’re fucking murdering one of Blondie’s songs.”

Läs hela intervjun på GQ:s hemsida.

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